I Need Fellowship

I'm tired of being surrounded by people I "know" and yet they remain strangers and I'm still alone.

Anyone I get close to still somehow isn't a "peer" because they're older and/or have a position of quasi-authority. So, anyone in a position to get to know me and speak truth into my life and seems to be making that effort, ends up relegating me to "project" status; but never a friend. I'm a project, not a friend. That's what I get for transparency.

I'm not saying, "Poor me. I don't have any friends." I am saying that I need friends who will look at me as a friend, not an off and on project. I'd like to have some friends who are on the same page as I am theologically. Your theology makes a big difference in how you live your life. It'd just be nice to have someone care without it being because I need some serious help. And for me to know people who care because they care and don't have to be in the position of "official helper of this project(me)" before they care.

Ahhh fellowship...what does it look like? I need fellowship. Is it wrong that my husband isn't fellowship enough? Is this starving feeling a sign that I'm avoiding God and trying to replace Him with people? I really don't think it is. It's not an emptiness without God in it. Am I just wimping out? Many through the ages have been alone in their Christian life, why can't I hack it? I have my husband that I can actually see, and my children I have with me all the time. I have various versions of the Bible to read, lots of great books and online Christian resources. Why is it so lonely?