I finally admit to myself why I'm blogging

I'm pulling this out of my drafts.  I don't remember when I wrote it, but it is still true.

My reason for blogging has changed. Not really changed, but at least I'm admitting it more to myself. Dang, I didn't want to have a point. I've ended up creating a blog that I can't let my children see until they are a lot older. That's really great. I can't even write about the life I lived as a child and allow my own children to read it because they're not old enough. I lived through hell and survived, barely.

I want this blog to attract others who have been abused in IFB churches or schools. I really want the man who molested and raped me as an 11 and 12 year old little girl to be held accountable. (may he rot in jail forever) I think he is still teaching. I'll verify that soon.

I want changes to be made in hiring and firing in IFB churches and schools. The AACS had better get their act together as the middleman and keep track of their members personal and character references. They're not guiltless in passing around child rapists from school to school.

Title questions?

Well, if anyone's read enough of this blog so far you may be wondering a few things.

What does the title of this blog have to do with anything?
answer   Everything! I'm writing from both ends of my life at the same time, so it doesn't look so great. If you stick with reading; eventually you will see Gods grace working in my life. A lot of times I can't see it where I am, but I can see his grace where I used to be. I hope I can show it in my writing.

You may have thought this was going to be a real spiritual kind of blog that would be a good read. answer  It's probably not. It's real. I haven't sanitized it for the "good" people. I write about my life, my journey and Gods grace and mercy in that journey. Some parts of my life are really crappy. That description may offend some, but "crappy" is the sanitized version.

If you're looking for heavy doses of talk about grace; you probably won't find it.
answer  I'm just learning to see it, but I'm looking for it in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. It's kinda like I have training wheels on. I wobble a lot and fall, but still move closer to God. I'm not running from him. I just don't ride too well yet.

Why an anonymous blog?

According to some people it's a bad thing to write anonomously. I can't spell it either:( (All the spellcheck does is verify that, yes, I can't spell this word) I don't think I could ever write under my own name. I put too much of myself in it.

Hopefully I can remain anon. Someday I'll let my kids read this after they're grown. It'll explain of lot of things to them about why I did things certain ways and was so careful with what I let them do. I try to balance my fear of someone doing harm to them by allowing them to climb high into trees, dig holes and make forts in the yard, play with fire under supervision, have bb guns and bows and arrows, ride the pony bareback, and all kinds of other things.

I want to protect my family from my musings on my growing up years. My dad was a good dad to us and my mom seems to have changed. She was never altogether a "bad" mom, but it's easier to remember the things that hurt. I'll try to post about both.

I don't necessarily want to protect my 6th grade teacher, but I sorta end up doing so in order to protect my identity. If anyone thinks they know who it is and you're also a victim; then I'm ready to roast him with you. In a future post that I'll get to, it will be clear as to why he is ready to roast.

I don't think it's bad to write anon. It depends on a lot of different things. If I received letters that had people yelling at me in them and they didn't even sign their name; then I shouldn't pay any attention to it. If I received a note from someone and they were just hurting but not ticked at me personally; then I would be glad they at least trusted me with their info even though not with their name. I end up talking to complete strangers in stores because I ask if they're okay. (They don't look okay) Usually we end up talking for about 30 minutes. The record was at Toys R Us last summer when I talked to this lady for about 2 hours. I guess people feel safe talking to a stranger who cares enough to ask. It's kind of like an anon note. All the info is out there but who they are is kept private.

Why blog? What's my theme?

Why am I starting this blog? My honey and I started one before. That was a flop. Neither one of us wanted to put our hearts out in cyberspace (at least that's what I was thinking). He just didn't have the time and I didn't know what to write about.

Now I'm more comfortable with where I am and can write without thinking I have to pick a theme like homeschooling or country living or politics. My theme for this blog is life and my journey through it searching for what's missing. At times the missing part has been huge, at other times it just seemed so. The biggest part that was misssing for most of my life was God. The thing is...I didn't think He was missing.

Anyway back to my theme not being a theme. Since my "theme" is my life then I can cover any topic I want. Ha! Not even a blog is going to tell me what to do. Do you sense some small prob with authority? -sarcasm alert-