I Don't Have This Transparency Thing Figured Out

I feel out of step. An observer. disconnected


Maybe it's because lately I've been asked "What's going on with you?" and similar things. I just smile(I think I'm smiling, but maybe I'm not) and give some lame answer. I can't answer. I don't know how to answer that question. It's a harmless and well meaning question, but the answer to it is overwhelming. I give my avoidance answer. I say, "Yeah, there's a lot going on." and then I name some busy thing we're doing or should be doing. I haven't used the "game over" answer yet. Maybe it's a little harsh?


I give my answer and feel like they know I'm not saying something, that I'm holding back. I don't know how not to hold back. When people give prayer requests, I stay silent. How can I say what my prayer is? I've always despised the hiding behind the "unspoken" prayer request. It's unspoken because Christians are too afraid to let others see their struggle. We don't trust the people we're praying with. There comes a time when the inability to trust the Christians around you, slowly begins to kill you. You have to have real fellowship or you shrivel up and die.


That's the problem. Real fellowship. Biblical fellowship. That means transparency, which I still don't have figured out.