Today I'm a horrible mom. I've stayed locked in my room for most of the day curled up under the blankets, shaking. My older children, young adults really, have fixed meals and boo boos for the little ones.
All I've done is stay alive. Barely.
It would be nice to point to just one thing that I can fix and then solve the problem. I can't. I don't know how to fix it. If Bob Jones University had admitted their wrong doing and made real changes instead of saying they are right about how they counsel; would that have made a difference in my today? I know that the CYA apology Pettit gave sure hasn't helped me today. It is more like I've been at the edge of the cliff with a few steps to spare and I just got shoved and I'm flailing my arms on the edge wondering why I don't just go with it and fall.
Then I hear my little ones voices. They bring me pictures they colored. An older one comes to tell me a funny story. I talk with friends who know and care. And I keep on flailing my arms, trying not to fall.
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I'm planning being more consistent in my blogging, so I'll actually be around to converse with.